Cross-Sex Friendships

Anna Hernandez
CAS 283 

There is always those girls that you can point out that have more guy friends than girl friends. Their reasoning is always something of the effect like, “ I just get along better with guys, girls are too complicated”. Or they may say that girls find her threatening so they typically don’t like her. So while covering the topic of Cross sex friendships, we looked at the pros and cons of that matter and evaluated if this type of relationship was possible. Some of the challenges stated in class were, “sexual challenge”, meaning that sex would always play a role for at least one member of the relationship; “equality challenge”, meaning that men and women are perceived differently in different environments; and “public presentation”, meaning there are always those people who constantly ask if you are just friends. I, like many other girls, have encountered these challenges through cross sex friendships. In high school I was constantly spotted hanging out with one of my guy friends, just the two of us, in the city and the next day I would have to hear rumors and gossip about how we liked each other or how I was “playing” the guy or leading him on and it became frustrating. I identified how my image may look, but I knew that my friend and I both had an understanding of what the relationship really was. I do agree however that the sexual challenge did become a problem for me in many of my friendships. Usually it was the guy who would start to catch feelings, but luckily enough for me, we were good enough friends to where we can talk about it and address it so that it wouldn't become problematic. In the article, “ Cross- Sex Friendships: Hazardous to your Health?”, It describes how these relationships are essentially beneficial. One claim is  that having cross- sex friendships can give you a different perspective on the world that someone of the same sex may not. “Given that girls tend to co-ruminate more than boys, having male friends to “balance them out” in theory would enhance girls’ mental health”( Dr. Selterman. Science of relationships). In “Psychology Today”, it states that, “Friendship, especially between a woman and a man, is one of those relationships that has no well-defined script: each friendship has to define its own rituals and routines, its own cache of meanings, and its own symbols of exchange. As a result, people outside the friendship read their own meanings into it. But while friends themselves tend to be subtle and creative in building the relationship, outsiders' guesswork tends to be pretty crude”(Terri Apter Ph.D. on Nov 18, 2008 in Domestic Intelligence). So as complicated as Cross- sex friendships can be, it is certainly ones that can be maintained. Stated in class is the fact that is it in our biological nature to be trained to look for mates or view males as so. This explains why sex initially becomes problematic. Especially if a male and a female are good friends, there is trust, and there is positive reinforcement,there is no doubt that one of the two in the relationships would see it as more than a friendship. I believe that if you initially set some ground rules and communicate early in the relationship what the intentions are, that it can make it less complicated throughout.