Haptic Tips: First Date

Of the different types of non-verbal communications there is haptics in other words, touch. Humans and animals use this as a way to communicate and interact. The meaning behind touching vary from positive motives, playfulness or being completely unintentional. According to Human Haptic Perception: Basics and Applications there's nine principles that should be followed with enduring social interactions:

1. Touch should be appropriate according to the relationship possessed with the other individual.
2. Harmful physical contact should always be avoided.
3. Its best to not startle the other with your haptic behavior.
4. Touch shouldn't displace or relocate another person.
5. Physical contact should not interrupt other people.
6. Critical statements should not be accompanied by touch.
7. It is important to consider the location where the physical contact is taking place.
8. Avoid touch that can be considered as unenthusiastic or insincere.
9. People should refrain from physical contact that may be perceived as inappropriate by others.

     

Typically on first dates over-touching can be threatening and inappropriate, the fact that it can be perceived in so many ways tell you that it should be avoided. This doesn't include typical contact that usually take place during first dates. These contacts usually vary based upon gender. Males commonly reach for the women's hand to assist them out the car or brush her shoulder when taking off her coat. Women essentially touch the man's forearm when at the table to accentuate her point in a conversation. Between both genders it is likely for elbows to touch when sitting side by side in locations like the movies and the car. On average, men are more likely to go further in physical contact. For instance, when hugging the commonplace of touch for females is the higher back of the males. Males on the other hand naturally make contact with the women's lower back. Also seen when guys lay their hands on the female's back during a walk, especially if she has on heels. 

Don't get me wrong, both females and males can be equally touchy. Clearly displayed in this video.

Too much touching can make the other person feel very uncomfortable and you'll never know.  The success of your haptics can be evident in the other response to it. If the other individuals pulls away or tries to prevent the contact, it is obvious that they rather it not take place. From there you should refrain from attempting anymore physical contact. Just because the other hasn't directly asked you to stop touching them does not mean to continue trying to touch them. Not all individuals are able to verbally ask you to lay off, their body language should be enough. Worst case you can be accused with committing an assault.  In a lot of magazine articles and blogs aimed towards the men audience, like the Men's Health Magazine, they promote touching. With "Caress your way into her affections using haptics, the science of responsive touch", being one of the magazine article's subheadings. And according to a study published in the journal, Social Influence, women who were touched on the arm by a man were more likely to give him their number than those who weren't. But they don't include in fine print, that most importantly that you have to be considered attractive by them, like we seen in the video above. Some people will admit that they'll allow touching if they are physically attracted to the other individual. You can't be sure you know what the other person is thinking and what they want, so least contact is best for the first date.  

http://www.eharmony.com/dating-advice/dating-tips/first-date-affection-how-much-is-too-much/#.VMHQ1Xb9-t8

Grunwald, Martin. "12 - Haptic Behavior in Social Behavior." Human Haptic Perception: Basics and Applications. Basel: Birkhäuser, 2008. 161-62. Print.